One thing I tell myself and hear others tell me is to stay strong. Some days I feel like I can move mountains and some days I feel like I am buried underneath the mountain with no hope of seeing light again. Strength isn’t necessarily measured with how much you can lift, it can be measured with how far you can go, how strong willed you are, or even your days when you aren’t able to go far or be as strong willed. For me, I try to stay strong for everyone, including myself. I try to stay strong for my family, for my friends, for my other spoonies. But my secret? I’m not strong all the time. I am strong, but I am also very exhausted. I am permanently this way as a result of trying to stay strong all the time. I continue to be “strong” daily. I am stubborn. I am strong. I am a warrior, damnit. No one will tell me different. As a spoonie, I face things on a daily basis that normal people cannot understand and if they were to experience it, they would react totally different. It’s nothing against the “normal” people. It’s just an example of how strong we spoonies are. We don’t get much of a choice. We have to fight a losing battle on a daily basis. Some days we are able to keep the battle at a standstill by taking our medications, feeding our bodies if they are willing, or doing other things to keep everything still. When things are still, that’s the good thing. It means we are on a good/decent day, or a not so bad day. When things start to move with the battle, that’s when all hell breaks loose and we are in fight mode. We do everything we usually do but have to take more medications to try and get the battle at an impasse again. Sometimes the battle rages on for days, Weeks, months, without seeing the end of it in sight. Then one day after we have continued to be strong and continued to be warriors, we see that light that eventually shines back down to us that lets us know that we’ve fought our hardest and that we may have some relief now. Seeing that light shine down is a major relief in itself. It represents a glimmer of hope and a prayer that we may not have another battle for at least a little while. So in the meantime between battles, continue to be strong. Continue to be a warrior. Continue to be brave. Continue to fight your battles. You can do this.
The unknown can be terrifying. We wake up not knowing what’s going to happen today. There could be a number of good things or a number of bad things to happen. We live in the fear of the unknown, but we also expect the unknown. As a person with chronic illnesses, I don’t know what to expect most days, as most others feel the same. We don’t know what to expect from our doctors, our families, our friends. We don’t know if the flare is coming to haunt us for a few days, or is finally giving up and leaving. We don’t know how we will feel tomorrow or the next day. We worry and we stress because that’s human nature. We can’t fight something that’s meant to be and that will happen whether we want it to or not. It’s involuntary. Most days we look past that fear that we have of the unknown. Some days it can consume us. We have to continue to be strong and we have to continue to fight. We cannot let the fear overrun our lives. We have to continue to look past it. We are not in control of what’s going to happen. It’s going to happen anyway. No one knows what’s going to happen. I think that if we did know what was going to happen we would all be so paranoid all the time that we wouldn’t be able to focus on the good things that happen in our lives. Take the time to appreciate the little things. Take the time to say I love you. Take the time to help others and to be kind. Take the time to appreciate the little things as cannot say that enough. Life can be enjoyable. Give hugs. Give kisses. Help others learn to laugh and to love. Embrace the unknown.
-Savannah t’s a 4 AM wake up call that’s not going to stop.
|
Categories
All
|