By Ron
One of the hardest parts of being chronically ill, for me, has been having to change my career plans. Finding fulfillment and a purpose in life, for me, has always been tied to helping other people. Being chronically ill made it necessary to reevaluate my future and replan what is going to be best for my health. I Can't help others if i'm not in a good place myself. This is a part of spoonie life I haven't seen discussed a lot, so I thought I would share my story. For all of my life, I had always planned on a career as a medical provider. Originally, my plan was to go into neurological surgery, but after having five neuro procedures myself, it would no longer be safe to operate. I switched from a premed track into a medical physics track, as its less of a physical job and more of a mental one. Unfortunately, due to the operations and later the medication I have to be on to control my severe nerve pain, that became very hard. My gpa plummeted and it was suggested I do a medical withdrawal from the program. My attendance was horrible, as I was in and out of the hospital frequently and debilitated with severe pain. I had a really hard time accepting that it would no longer be safe to be a medical provider. I struggled for a few years with it, and kept searching for ways to change this. In 2016, one of the worst things to happen medically occurred, but it was one of the best things that helped me come to peace with the predicament I am in. I had a small brain stem stroke while driving. I went unconscious and was involved in a serious single car accident. Luckily I was not injured. This really put things into perspective for me, as to how serious and unpredictable my health really is. Since that time, I have had 11 transient ischemic attacks and another stroke. Add onto all of this the fact that I have been having problems with my legs, and lately have been getting around with crutches, to all of this and I am slowly coming to the realization that any job that puts me on my feet is not in the best interest of my health. I currently work part time as a pharmacy technician. It's a job that I absolutely love! But last year, one or two short shifts was all I was able to work due to pain and the weakness. I was on leave a fair amount due to surgeries, a stroke, and flare ups. It's not the way I would like things to be and right now, I have been on leave since around the first of the year. I am coming to terms with the fact that I may not be able to work much longer, let alone work in the field I had been dreaming of since I was a child. I'm having more tests soon, and will be talking to my doctor about possibly starting the process to file for disability. It's a topic we've talked about on and off for a year or so, trying to get me to be more receptive of the idea. It's a very personal decision. My PCP (who I have an amazing relationship with) said that i'll know when its time. Well, I really feel like it is. My biggest worry was that if I stopped working, I would not feel fulfilled in life. I have always been someone that got joy and fulfillment from helping others. Not working in healthcare, how would find happiness and purpose in life? Well, I have found purpose and fulfillment by getting involved in the chronic illness community, helping other people coping with chronic conditions how to live the best life possible. I have also found a niche talking to students studying healthcare occupations and introducing them to the other side of the equation. Hopefully by doing that, I can help the next generation of doctors, nurses, etc learn how to help those of us who are sick better. For those of us who are “type A” personalities and always like to have an ironclad plan, changing those plans and reworking them is a challenge. I have always been a planner. I had my whole life planned out, all the way down to which fellowships I wanted to do. Slowly, I am learning to relax a bit and go with the flow. This has been a huge improvement for my mental health. I am learning that there are other ways to find purpose and fulfillment in life, other than just work. I wish I would've learned this sooner. But I guess, better late than never! |
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